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In Seattle, there is a ghost bridge.  A bridge that leads to nowhere and appears only when the sun comes out.  I generally only see if from my car, stuck in traffic on 520.  You can hear the screaming before you notice the bridge.  Then you notice it.  towering above the Arboretum.  Normally there are people standing on it, peering over the edge.  If you watch long enough, sometimes you'll see someone throw themselves off.  Most times, you only hear the screams.

This past weekend, luck was on my side.  It was the birthday of one Francis Brown and we were able to follow the rainbow to this mystical bridge.  We basked in the sun as the ghost bridge taunted us.  Finally, three of us gave in to the sirens call.
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Now I can talk about some things I enjoy.  Real food and doing whatever the hell I want.  Now some people said I shouldn't dive head first into the culinary
delights because it might shock my system.  I say that staving my body
for ten days was plenty of a shock.  Over the next ten days, I'm going to try my best to get through the list of cravings I had during the diet.  We'll see what happens.

Today I got up an hour early so I could make breakfast.  Just a simple breakfast of two eggs and two pieces of toast with some delicious coffee on the side.  But these were no ordinary eggs and not just plain toast mind you.  PCC must have sprinkled these eggs with crack and perhaps the Essential bakery has fairy's making their bread because that shit was f'n grand.  Grand I say.  The most delicious breakfast in history.  If I had any left I would let you try it to prove it.  Your loss.
 
Lunch was a turkey sandwich.  Pretty damn good but breakfast was still the show stopper.  I'll probably have another for lunch though because I'm not sure if one is enough.

Dinner gave breakfast some tough competition.  We ate at Maneki Japanese Restaurant and it was outstanding.  I had heard about this place for a while and was excited to try it.  We figured Sushi was a better way to dive back in than the huge steak I had origionally planned.  We started with the Blue Fin Sashimi ($14) which was delectable.  Melt in your mouth, and buttery.  I'd say one of the most expensive things on the menu (which isn't bad at $14) and worth it.  Next came the vegetable sukiyaki ($7.00).  A very nice size bowl of broth with a ...<< MORE >>

I’m back.  I feel 100% better than I did exactly one day ago.  Do I feel better than before I started this whole thing?  Actually, I may.  I am having a hard time discerning between feeling better because my liver and kidney and colon are clean, feeling better because I have some protein in my system, and just plain being happy because I can eat whatever I damn well please.  Either way I’m glad to be done.

So looking back, I have to say that diet sucked.  I suppose all diets suck.  But there is something especially annoying about starving oneself when one is perfectly healthy and in decent shape strictly in the hope that you’ll benefit from it someday.  It’s like freezing yourself in the hopes that the future people will be able to fix you.  It’s like buying the $200 accidental warranty plan on your new computer.  We’d all like to do it but only some can.  And I’m not talking about will power.  If we all knew for sure that it would make our golden years better, we’d eat horse manure for ten days.  I’m talking about those of us who are lucky enough to starve ourselves purely for the sake of our own benefit.  It just seems ironically insulting to those who are starving for real.  That’s all I’m saying.

Anyway, I made it.  It was a good challenge and I’ll admit I wasn’t perfect.  I ate avocados and quinoa.  Hell, some people say it’s worthless if you eat at all.  What I did not consume for ten days was meat, fish, dairy, salt, sugar, wheat, alcohol, oils, fat, and probably some things I don’t even know about.  I tried my best man.  I have talked to people who have truly fasted for seven days and one who ...<< MORE >>

Over the last ten days, I have made a list of the cravings I have had.  I intend to get each item on this list at least once within the next ten days:

Klondike Bar
Sushi (Tuesday night at Maneki)
Bacon Cheese Burger
Ice Cream from Molly Moon's (also tomorrow night after sushi)
Whoppers
Pop Corn with the delicious flavorings on top preferably during a movie
A Chimichanga
Turkey Sandwich from my fridge
Pancakes
Avocado WITH salt
Dick's Deluxe
Over easy eggs with extra buttery toast (tomorrow morning)
Porchetta sandwich from Salumi (lunch lomorrow?)
Cold beer from anywhere
The Crab Leg Platter with a baked potato on the side from Harbor Lights

Stay tuned for reviews of said items.



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The final day.  As much fun as this has been, I'm going to go to sleep at about 7:00pm and waking up at four so I can start cooking breakfast.  Can't wait for some over easy eggs and some toast with lots of butter.  And let's not forget the cherry on top - my old friend coffee.  I miss you coffee.

Now that this torture is about over I can try to appreciate what it was for.  I look at it like giving my liver and kidney a week off.  It does feel good to have, theoretically, cleansed my body of most things.  I suppose after 35 years of hard work it deserves a break.  Maybe I'll do this again in another 35 years.  Maybe.  Maybe not.  I will definitely be more conscious of what I put into my body and I'll make an effort to eat more healthy things.  I will also take this new beginning to try to appreciate what I eat more.  I have had such bland food for the past ten days (lemon juice and pepper have been our condiments) that I can't wait to taste salt and something savory again. 

I think the worst part is the constant weak feeling.  Everything is a struggle.  I am guessing this is what it feels like to be old - my muscles don't really want to work and I feel the need to sit down after doing the dishes.  Speaking of, I think I'm going to take a nap. On;y 11 more hours...



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I never thought I would make it this far.  I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and I'm running towards it.  That is the light of almost being finished with this terrible thing.  Not the "I'm dead" light, although I feel close everyday at about noon.

Day six and seven were the usual, eating veggies and fruit.  We have upped the portion size a tad so I can function at work.  I honestly can't see how someone could do this if they had a normal 9-5 job where they had to perform.  I am barley functioning.  It very well may be the lack of caffeine but it could just as easily be the lack of protein or carbs or just plain fuel. 

I do have to say that as hard as it has been, I am glad to have been off the coffee for a few days.  I hate to be dependent on something so its good to have cleared that out.  Not to say that I'm not going to have a delicious cup of Joe Tuesday morning.  I might even get up early so I can make it French press style.  In that vain, I have a small list of things I will be eating in the near future as part of the re-tox diet.  I will post the list soon.

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Day 5 of the "detox cleanse fast" torture.  Still really want a steak, but feeling better.  My stomach must be shrinking because I can eat very little now and feel full.  I can say that starving sucks.  It's hard to focus and you feel weak.  This may be compounded by the fact that the temperature in Seattle has reached record setting highs.  I feel for those people on the commercials where they ask you for adollar a day and show the really skinny kid.  It sucks to be that kid.

That said, I did have the energy to ride my bike to work today.  At this point its mostly the nights that suck because we eat a small dinner of some cucumber and avocado or the like at about 7:00pm and then can't eat anything after that.  It's 10:30pm right now and I would really enjoy a snack.  Like a two pound ribeye steak snack.

That said, we did find a loop hole: quinoa.  You see, we are not allowed to have grains, but quinoa is technically not a grain.  I realize that we are really only cheating ourselves and all that crap but frankly, I don't care.  When I heard that news it was like I found money.  Needless to say, lunch today was quinoa with dried fruit.  Heaven.  I never thought I would consider such a dish heaven but I also never thought I would be starving myself on purpose. 

So there, you have it.  I've resorted to deceiving myself with technicalities and quinoa with dried fruit.  Stay tuned to see if I make it and, in 5 days, I start the Retox Diet: because every cloud has a silver lining and this cloud is lined with beer, bacon, and beef.

    

Day four of the "cleanse".  I really want a steak, and maybe a hamburger, and a sandwich.

I have noticed that I can eat a small amount and be full.  And, by removing all forms of flavoring from the diet, I have become more aware of the natural flavor of foods.  These are good things.  I hope to gain an appreciation for simple quality foods after this torture is over.  This diet would not suck so bad if I could eat more.  The problem is, I
think the idea is to eat very little so all the gook on your insides
get digested and removed.  Gross.

This morning was no fun, I was quite hungry.  I feel weaker and have much less energy than normal.  I'm not sure if it's the lack of caffeine or calories or both but I really don't care.  Frankly, I'm worried that I may never be the same again.   I'm concerned that my essence is being removed and will forever be replaced by this apathetic, weak, drooling version of myself.  "They" say that it gets better and you lose the craving for all the good stuff but I really hope that doesn't happen.  I hope that with a proper dose of coffee and flesh, I can reverse the adverse effects.  Which leads me to believe that if this "cleanse" really does work, I will going to reverse any "benefits" in roughly 2 days.

Anyway, we can't eat after 7:00pm and its 8:41pm now so I'm in for a long night.  Stay tuned...
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My girlfriend and I are on day 3 of a “cleansing diet” (read “starvation diet”).  I am not much of an activist about anything but I think I may have found my cause – to stamp out these “cleanses” in all shapes and forms.

These diets are supposed to “cleanse” your liver, or your kidneys, or your colon, or what have you.  Right now I feel like my body has been cleansed of my soul.  I’m starving.  I live in a first world country, and am choosing to deprive myself of things that are readily available, legal, and not really that bad for me.  I’m not talking about cutting out booze and McDonalds and the stuff that everyone knows is bad. I’m talking about good old salt, sugar, milk, and bread.  I’m not even supposed to have free range, hormone free, non-genetically enhanced chicken.  People are starving for real, not on purpose, all over the world and I’m doing it on purpose!?  

People say, “It’s better after the first few days”.  I hope so.  I have work do to and a life to live and I can barely function.  I’m going to try my best to survive this “cleanse” and I will keep you posted as we work our way through the ten days.  At this point, I say give me a colonic and get it over with.

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